Paint a Positive Picture

A few days ago, my toddler was kneeling on my computer chair and was pulling out keys from the keyboard placed on the table. Yes he can absolutely does that!!! I am sure most parents with the deadly combination of a curious toddler and a laptop (or keyboard) would have experienced this scenario. I was at the kitchen sink doing the dishes and the dad was busy too, doing something, I just don't remember what. He noticed the mischief and he called out "Don't do that". As expected the little boy continued his task smiling at his dad... Now dad raised his voice, "Cheechu! (that's my boy's pet name) Don't do that!" No effect. Dad's voice became louder and panicky as he said, "Sricharan!! (his real name) Don't do that!!" No effect again... (I'm sure you expected that).

When I heard dad's voice growing louder, I stepped back from the sink to peek at what was happening. With wet and soapy hands, I was unable to pick him up immediately. A light bulb went on in my head... Let me use one of a techniques I learned in my Guidance and Discipline class.... I said firmly, "Sricharan, keep your hands on the chair." He stopped and looked up at me. I repeated the same words. He was still looking at me with his fingers poised on the key board. I repeated again firmly, this time at a slower pace. He slowly removed his hands, placed them on the chair and looked at me. Voila!!! The technique worked again!!! I smiled and said, "Thank you. Now come here and help me do the dishes" (an attempt to distract him). He carefully got down and ran smiling towards me.. I smiled savoring the moment of triumph... Alas, it did not last long... Now I had to deal with a toddler "unloading" the dirty dishes from the dish washer.

Hmmm.... Anyways, let us now focus on the technique I used. It is called Positive Picture. Instead of saying what you don't want the child to do, you say exactly what he or she has to do. In other words, you paint a "mind-picture" of what is expected, using your words. You may say something like, "Hang on tight" to a child hanging from the monkey bar, instead of "Don't let go". Or, "Walk beside me" instead of "Don't run". This is a lot easier said than done, especially in the moment of panic. Interestingly, it works well in older children and adults too! This way, you sound more assertive, than dismissive...

Just for some grins and giggles, let's try a few scenarios. What can you say instead of,

"No Splashing in the bath tub."
"Don't jump on the couch."
"Don't be late for dinner."

How easy or difficult was it? Share more situations if you have painted "Positive Pictures".

--Renuka Sivarajan